Expectations

Growing up in the public eye, we kids were trained to present a model family. "What will people think?" was a powerful force in managing our behavior, expectations, demeanor. Further, we were always to be in the 99th percentile...academically, of course, but also professionally and even morally.

When I came out in the 70's, there were strong expectations about who I was/should be...from the straight community, but also from the gay community. Neither set of expectations was useful. I learned to build a life regardless, conforming to my own expectations, making ethical, interpersonal and life decisions without benefit of a model or applicable expectations, and letting go of the models of my childhood.

Boy was that good preparation! Now I'm again in uncharted territory with only the crinkled road-maps left by those who've traveled before me. They place no judgement on me. Perhaps I won't judge myself to harshly. After all, cancer doesn't work with percentiles. Everyone is different.